I excelled at no school sports

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    I excelled at no school sports at all:

    butter-fingered that leather ball,

    belligerent boots in scrum sprawl.


    specs-less, opponents just a blur,

    this short sighted sub easy to deter:

    coach much baffled, I readily concur.


    promising prowess rarely appeared:

    a well-passed ball, a bar fully cleared;

    self-shocked and sometime-cheered.


    half-hearted tackles stalled some fray:

    defence position, I missed much play,

    shivering in shorts (bored you could say).


    team photos didn’t need me it seemed,

    other players more esteemed,

    inscribed cups held, coaches beamed.


    my role finally found: sports-has-been,

    orange quarters sliced, kitchen knife keen,

    my platter proffered to half-time teams.


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