I excelled at no school sports

• 

  I excelled at no school sports at all:

  butter-fingered that leather ball,

  belligerent boots in scrum sprawl.

   

  specs-less, opponents just a blur,

  this short sighted sub easy to deter:

  coach much baffled, I readily concur.

   

  promising prowess rarely appeared:

  a well-passed ball, a bar fully cleared;

  self-shocked and sometime-cheered.

   

  half-hearted tackles stalled some fray:

  defence position, I missed much play,

  shivering in shorts (bored you could say).

   

  team photos didn’t need me it seemed,

  other players more esteemed,

  inscribed cups held, coaches beamed.

   

  my role finally found: sports-has-been,

  orange quarters sliced, kitchen knife keen,

  my platter proffered to half-time teams.